My Jericho

I’m doing a Bible study on faith….taking a look through Hebrews 11..which is the faith Hall of Fame.  It’s an awesome study and it is much needed during this season in my life.  The focus of today’s study discussed how Joshua had to believe that God would not only be with him in the battle at Jericho, he also had to believe that the crazy plan that God gave him would work. Joshua was a military strategist and he had been very successful in battle.  God had always used Joshua’s military ability to defeat the enemy of the Israelites and Joshua had always used his weapon…a sword.  However, now God wanted him to just march around the city for six days and then on the seventh day have the seven priests march around seven times… blow a ram’s horn and have all the people shout.  The Bible doesn’t mention that Joshua questioned God….not even a little.  I however, probably would have said “oh come on God I think it would be better if we moved this group of men in first as a distraction and then we could make a couple of additional tactical moves to surprise them.  I think this would work so much better than a crazy plan of just marching and yelling.” Good thing Joshua was obedient (not like me) and the rest is history…the walls imploded and the Israelites won the city.  How could Joshua a military strategist buy into that plan?  God told him that it would work.  God told him “before” they carried it out that they had already won In Joshua 6: 2 “God spoke to Joshua, “Look sharp now. I’ve already given Jericho to you, along with its king and its crack troops.”  God had shown his perspective to Joshua and Joshua trusted him!

The author of my Bible Study ended today’s lesson with this question “Ask God to show you His perspective in regard to your own personal Jericho/situation.”  I’m a strategist ideation type of person.  This means I look for solutions to problems…many times I see problems that others have yet to recognize!  I live in the future for the most part.  It’s a difficult thing when I can’t see into the future and when I can’t see a strategy or have an idea to put a strategy too and I’ve been unable to see past the confusion to look for a solution. So today after I finished my daily study I knelt on my knees and asked God to reveal to me what I should do and to show me His perspective of my battle.  After I got up off my knees I immediately had two very confusing occurrences happen one right after the other. I’m so used to being able to clearly identify problems and then setting about to fix them that it’s been driving me a little crazy that I can’t think of a way out of this one. After praying and spending a little quiet time thinking through the last few days…I believe I’ve received an answer. While the answer seems crazy for this futuristic/strategist, this is what I believe God is saying to me…I want you to do absolutely nothing.  I don’t want you to think past today.  I don’t want to hear your “ideas” of what the outcome of this will be or should be.  All I want you to do is focus on me and be obedient to me today!!  I want you to rest in trust and faith that I’m in your tomorrow.  I’ve got your back and I’ll fight your battles. I’ve just argued in my head and thought that can’t be what I’m hearing from you God…but it is.  I’m to do nothing but rest in the fact that God has already won the battle and just watch Him show off as He takes care of every single detail.  Crazy, huh….doing nothing…but so was the whole marching, blowing trumpets and shouting to make the walls of Jericho fall down…but they did and Joshua and the Israelites won the battle.  So, for once I’m not going to argue with Him…I’m going to take a deep breath, open up my hands and release the battle the “Lord of Angel Armies” and trust that the God who created the Universe has my name carved in the palm of His hand and He cares for me. He loves me and has my best interest in mind and I’m gonna believe that He’s about to do something absolutely amazing in my life. I’m believing God!!! 🙂

Twenty Ten

A new year and a new decade!!  I think we all look at a previous decade and celebrate lessons learned.  So, what are lessons that I learned the previous decade.

1.  It’s not a good thing to have a wreck and total your mini van with a car load of kids (my own kids and nieces and nephews) on New Year’s Eve right before the Y2K scare!!  Isn’t that right Hunter, Joshua, Sarah, Seth and Emily?? 🙂 

2. I learned that many times God uses our biggest fears to teach us to have faith in him alone!!….Hebrews 11:1 “¹Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see..”  I learned to live by this verse at the beginning of the last decade.  God taught me to fight a spiritual battle that I thought would be the death of me….but through faith in Him alone He turned a hopeless situation into one that was full of hope and brought Him glory!!  God is still very much in the miracle business ….. I know this because I am one!!  If God had not taught me this lesson first, I would never have been able to walk through Don’s death.  God answered prayer after prayer in one miraculous way after another.  I have hung on to those truths for the last several years…knowing that God is faithful!!

3. God taught me how to truly pray and brought some awesome prayer warrior partners in my life that are still in my life today!!  My awesome prayer friends…Lisa McLain and Terri Kennedy!!  I know that I can call them anytime and they will be on their knees praying with me.  Lisa and I spent many years on our faces praying for God’s intervention not only in our lives, but also in the lives of our friends!!  We also prayed that God would give us an unstoppable faith…..the last few years of the decade God has been faithful with that prayer.  Lisa and I were talking the other day that we were naive to think God would just zap us with a renewed incredible faith in Him…that could only happen  being brought through situations that required a higher level of faith than either of us had ever experienced….and we have both experienced situations that have required “everything we had” to go up against it….God has given us the wisdom, energy and ability to stand up against many things that at the beginning of the last decade neither one of us would have been able to.   

4. When we were at our staff retreat, Nick Smith our Youth Pastor at SouthOKC LifeChurch,  asked me what I had learned through Don’s death and this is my answer…… In the book of Job in the last chapter after everything that Job had been through this is what he had to say….Job 42:5 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.  I had been a Christ follower since I was 7 years old…God had been with me through many trials and through many joys in my life, but until Don died I believe that for the most part I had “only heard of him”, but now I have seen Him!!  Does that mean I have seen Him with my eyes..NO…it means that I have seen His very active presence in my life.  I have seen God as my Comforter, Healer, Provider, Redeemer and Counselor!!  I often look back on 2007/2008 and can’t believe I survived it.  I realized not to long ago that I had almost every major life stresser that there is….1. I lost a spouse through death, 2. My youngest child graduated from High School and left for College, 3. I sold my house and moved alone for the first time in 27 years, 4. Changed jobs and then moved to a new city, new job and where I had very few friends for support.  5. I had a parent (my mother-in-law who was more like a mother than my own) pass away.   If God hadn’t been with me, I think I would have crawled up in the fetal position and just gave up!!!  However, He was and still is and will always be with me!!

5. I walk out of the last decade with a lot of confusion…but hope!  I believe that God is who He says He is….that He can do what He says He can do….that I am who He says I am…that I can do all through Christ who gives me strength….and that God’s word is alive and active in me!!  I don’t have answers but God does and I am choosing to trust him in those answers even when I don’t understand them.  He has never let me down and He never will!!  I believe that this will be the decade that God will take what He has taught me the last decade and use it to bring glory to Himself!!  I have absolutely no idea what that means yet….but I know that I’m excited to find out what it is!  My prayer for this decade is that it would be one that will bring outrageous joy to me and my kids!!  I pray that it would be one of rest…not from serving God…but from a constant battle.  I have reminded God that after a season of battles He would take the Isrealites to a place of rest.  I am believing that this year 2010 is the beginning of that rest!

At the end of this next decade I want the following verses to be said about me just like they were said about Abraham… “¹⁸Against all hope, Abraham (or Page)  in hope believed ……… ²⁰Yet he (she)  did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God.”

Memories

Today has been very surreal to me.  I am Sherman, Texas.   I came here for a quick overnight trip.  I’m in a wedding tomorrow night and the rehearsal dinner was tonight.  Sherman had been my home for 21 years of my life.  Sarah was 8 months old when we moved here.  Don and I were babies ourselves….He was 28 and I was 27.  We did “life” here.  As I arrived in town, it almost felt like I had been gone for years….but everything was still the same.  I’m not even sure how to begin to explain the emotions that came flooding in.  I think if I let myself I could have pulled over on the side of the road and had a mini melt down.  I wasn’t expecting to feel that way.  I probably would have but as usual I didn’t have any time to spare before I had to be at the rehearsal dinner. 🙂    I’m still trying to process it.  I’m laying in bed at my friend Terri’s house…it’s 1:15 a.m….can’t sleep and knowing I need to write a little.  I’ve tried all night to avoid letting my thoughts go there, but I realize they need to come out and writing is my way of letting that happen.

So, I think I’m going to just write a few of the memories that are racing through my mind right now.  As I drove into town an overwhelming memory of the first time I came to Sherman came to me.  My mother in law, Sarah (who was a baby) and I came here to look for a place to live.  That memory as I drove into town was as vivid as if it happened yesterday.  My mother in law laughing, playing and riding with Sarah in the back seat.  My mother in law would have been the age I am now…she passed away last October.  As I headed toward Austin College…I had a flood of memories…birthday parties at McDonald’s….Cici’s pizza-not the best pizza in the world, but remembering going there after Josh’s football games as a family and Don and the coach talking about the game…the baseball fields were Josh played Little League baseball…Kristina’s dance studio where I spent many hours sitting in the parent waiting area during dance practices….Austin College and kids’ camp and where many of Sarah’s dance recitals were!!  Driving past the cemetery on the way to my friend Terri’s and remembering many who passed away during my 21 years of living here.  Talking with Terri and her daughter Jessica and remembering the first time I met them…children’s camp at Mt. Lebanon…and the years we’ve been friends.  I drove past Fairview Baptist Church and more memories than I could ever write came flooding in.  Don walking through the hallways and he and Don Wood laughing outloud…they both always laughed with their whole body.  My kids in the nursery and Josh crawling under the pews until we had to take him out with him screaming….please don’t spank me!!!  I can still see Miss Bullock holding Joshua in the rocker in the old nursery at Fairview!!  I can see Sarah running down the halls to see her friends in Sunday School  I loved living here with my family…Don and my kiddos.  It’s not so much the town as the memories that are associated with it. I don’t miss Sherman…I miss my family!!

I don’t want to spend tomorrow as a blubbering fool!!  When will I ever get to a place that the memories became a place of  happiness instead of just loss.  I’m so grateful for the life we had!  I’m grateful that God let us live here.  It was an awesome place to raise our kids.  My prayer tonight is that God would help me find peace in the midst of the memories that at this moment..are painful to look at!!  I don’t want to do that.  I want to have joy in the gifts God gave me when I lived here…not of possessions or money but Don and my kids and the many friendships that I still have here.   I’m so ready to feel release from the grief…I’m ready for it to be replaced with new joy. I praise God that the grief is not as constant…but…I’m ready to have the last of my “sackcloth removed and to be clothed in joy” just like Psalm 30:11 says.  I’ve been clothed in grief too long!!

Thanksgiving

Psalm 69:30 NIV

I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.

I’m thankful for:

1. My salvation made possible because of the sacrifice Christ made when He chose to die on the cross to cover every sin I’ve ever commited or will make…not because I deserve it because I DON’T…not because of anything I did because I COULDN’T ever do enough to make up for the sins I’ve committed..but simply because He loves me!!  Grace that is not deserved but accepted!!

2. I’m thankful that God has walked beside me every day for the last two and half years.  I’m thankful for the nights that I truly believe that He sat by my bed as I cried out to Him over heartache and loss.  He has never left my side and I have seen God become my All and All!!  He has been my provider, my healer, my saviour, my comforter and my friend when I was alone. 

3. I’m thankful for so many answered prayers that if I wrote them all  down there would be a need to write hundreds of blogs.  Thank you God for hearing and answering my prayers and for caring about every detail of my life.

4. I’m thankful that God heard my cries for my desire to have children.  He brought them into my life just when I had given up hope of having children.  They are my miracles..sometimes it overwhelmes me to think that God heard my cries and gave me the two most awesome kids ever.  I’m thankful they are healthy and wonderful young adults.  I can’t wait to see the future God has prepared for them.

5. I’m thankful that God gave me Don Harris for 28 years.  He was a man who loved his family and friends!!  His life is one to be celebrated.  I praise God that my kids had him for a Daddy!!  He is missed greatly but we all know that he is in Heaven right now reunited with loved ones like his Dad, grandparents and friends, but more importantly he is in the presence of the living God and Jesus.

6. I’m thankful for Robbie Evans who was a wonderful mother, wife, grandmother and mother in law to me.  She taught me what family meant and welcomed me into her family like I was one of her own children.  Her life was a testiment of love.  She loved her family deeply and sacrificed for them right up until she died.  I celebrate her life!!  I celebrate that she is with Donnie and her parents and first husband and dwelling in the place where the streets are made of gold.  She is receiving her reward for loving on this earth!!

7. I’m thankful for God’s daily provision in my life. 

8. I’m thankful for my health and that God has given me the ability to work and that He has given me a place to serve Him with the gifts that He has given me.  I’m thankful that I’m at a Church that truly believes that Christ is the Hope of the World and works to make a difference in the world and not just talk about it!!

9. I’m thankful that even in struggles…I’ve never been homeless…gone without food…watched my kids suffer from an incurable disease…gone without clothes..been unemployed or totally been alone in the world!!

10. I’m thankful that even in an unknown future…even when everything appears to fall apart…I have learned two important truths found in the following scripture passages…God loves me more than I can ever have the ability to comprehend and He is strong enough to carry me through any trial or circumstance….and….I’ve learned that until you have struggles where you are left with nothing to hold onto but God you realize that ” my ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.”

Psalm 62:

¹¹ One thing God has spoken,
       two things have I heard:
       that you, O God, are strong, ¹² and that you, O Lord, are loving….

Job 42

 ¹ Then Job replied to the LORD :

 ² “I know that you can do all things;
       no plan of yours can be thwarted.

 ³ You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’
       Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
       things too wonderful for me to know.

 ⁴ “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
       I will question you,
       and you shall answer me.’

 ⁵ My ears had heard of you
       but now my eyes have seen you.

 

Insomnia

When I was a little girl and I would get up in the middle of the night to get a drink or to use the restroom, I would see the light on in the living room and my Dad up reading.  I used to wonder why…now I know because I inherited it…insomnia.   I’m jealous of those that just lay their heads down on their pillows at night and go right to sleep.

Many times there are no reasons why my insomnia kicks in and then there are many times that I’m unable to sleep because I have too much on mind.  Tonight is the too much on my mind kind of insomnia.  My eyes are sleepy but my mind is not!  I’m at a crossroads on several things and it’s really time I make a decision on a couple of them.   There is a specific one that is eating away at me.  I don’t really like either option that is before me.  However, I know that the decision can’t wait forever..nor can it be ignored any longer.  I’m really hoping that tomorrow God will speak to me through a burning bush or just drop an answer down from heaven with a clear path for me take.  He could just use the yellow line that is used on TV to mark  where the next first down is.  🙂  Well, I’m headed back to bed…looked a few verses up and going to say a prayer for that other option and hopefully fall asleep.  Alarm is going to go off in 4 1/2 hours.  Going to be a zombie tomorrow!!!

“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

“when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.” Proverbs 3:23-25

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.” Psalm 3:5

Elusive Search for Happiness

One of my favorite movies of all times is Parenthood.  It’s such a true story of  life and all of it’s ups and downs.  How we avoid and try to change the things in our lives that aren’t “perfect”. How we try to avoid anything that has the possibility of hurting us?  Risk is a dirty word because it means that we might end up hurt and I mean don’t we all just want to be happy!!!  I was reminded of this movie tonight after I played a game on Facebook called Roller Coaster Kingdom ( I know, I know…but it’s fun..has cute graphics)….here’s a clip from the movie Parenthood

 Life is like a roller coaster!!  You have to be content with both the ups and downs.  I’ve found myself on a Merry Go Round instead of the Roller Coaster.   I’ve been in search of happiness and in that search have avoided a lot of risks out of fear!!  Isn’t that what we all want…Happiness??  We (I) will do whatever I can to bring happiness into my life and the life of those around me or we remove things that we feel could in any way cause hurt or unhappiness.   Happiness…a state of well being, contentment…a pleasurable or satisfying experience.   I seem to always forget the first part of that definition…”a state of well being and contentment!  In the past (and at times) in the present, I have purchased “things” that I thought would make me happy.  I have had relationships and friendships that I thought would make me happy.  I have avoided anything and everything that I thought would make me feel uncomfortable or could possibly hurt me.  I think about those I know that  numb their lives with all kinds of things to avoid anything that might not make them happy….they have addictions, overindulge in stuff and overschedule life…all as a way to truly avoid engaging in life, but doing it all in the name of happiness. 

I made the decision to move forward.. in doing that I’ve got to face some things I need to change about myself.   I realize a need to be very transparent right now and kind of bring it all out in the open.  I’ve realized many fears and many thought processes that need to go away for me to move forward.  I talked about fears that drive me.  Many of those fears have driven me toward a pattern of avoidance and away from a state of contentment.  What happens when we are on an elusive search for happiness….emptiness and discontent!  The very things we were trying to avoid.  I was reading in Ecclesiates earlier.  Solomon made the decision to go in search of “happiness”.   He tried everything “under the sun.

¹⁰ I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
       I refused my heart no pleasure.
       My heart took delight in all my work,
       and this was the reward for all my labor.

 ¹¹ Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
       and what I had toiled to achieve,
       everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
       nothing was gained under the sun.

So, what does all of this have to do with me moving forward?…from staying stuck in the middle of my past life and from moving forward toward the future God has in store for me.  I MUST find a way to be grateful and content no matter where I am at and still be open to experience change.  I know those two things seem opposite of each other, but I don’t think they are.  If I’m unwilling to experience hurt or pain or change that I feel may bring me the least little bit of discomfort….if I’m unwilling to be content in whatever God brings my way….I can not move forward.   The reality about life is that not everything is “fun”.  Sometimes life is like that roller coaster….it has a lot of ups and downs.  You have to experience the downs to be able to appreciate the ups!!!  Herein lies the truth….in my avoidance of discomfort or possibly anything that could make me unhappy…I’m avoiding what will make me happy.  Contentment in the perfect will of God even if that means risking it all!!  Contentment is absolute trust in the sovereignty of God!!   It means life WILL NOT ever be perfect!!  It means that I will be hurt, but it also means that I will experience joy, love and peace in a way that I never dreamed possible.   

Here’s the last clip from Parenthood…

What Faith Can Do

What Faith Can Do is an awesome song by Kutless….thought we might need to be reminded of this today….especially me!!! 🙂

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You do have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Outrageous Joy

Have you ever smiled so much that your face hurt???  Have you experienced an event or had some good news that just made you want to dance??  Let’s all spend a moment and think of all of those things that made us leap for joy!……….What was on your list?  On mine….the first time I held my children, answered prayers that could have only happened with the intervention of God, a time on the El in Chicago (long story..you’ll have to ask me)!!

I’m ready for some joy….some fun….laughter so hard my that my sides hurt and it makes me tired!!!  Why as adults do we not laugh more often?  Children will laugh at anything and everything.  Is it their innocence?  I’m not sure but I know that I want it back!  I want to have fun with simple things.  Remember chasing lightening bugs as a kid (or with your kids) and being so fascinated by them…catching them in a jar!!  What about raking a big pile of leaves and not looking at it as work but an opportunity to jump into it!  or….catching snow flakes with your tongue!!  Going to the park and swinging and sliding down slides for hours and never getting tired or bored with it!  Swimming and going under the water with your eyes open (and not complaining about the chlorine) and seeing everything moving slowly..playing Marco Polo!!  Playing hide-n-go-seek and not being able to stop laughing..getting tagged and having to be it!!  What about Dodge Ball and Red Rover on the playground?  Lunch time…recess…smell of crayons!!

No, I’m not feeling old and wanting to recapture my youth…I want to recapture my sense of wonder at God’s creation…a desire to search for and celebrate “moments”.  Moments that can be defined with joy…with laughter!  Today I plan on doing that!!  I don’t know how yet…but it’s going to happen.  Today I’m going to choose to seek out those moments….to look for them!!  I don’t know maybe it’s time to hit the playground…I think I’ll take a recess this afternoon!!! 🙂

What was Job afraid of??

Do you have fears that really don’t make sense???  I have a stupid one.   We have two mascots in LifeKIDS..Safety Sam and Eli the Elephant!  I love love Eli…cute blue elephant!!  I DO NOT love Safety Sam.  I will run from Safety Sam…..even though I always know who it is!!!!  He totally creeps me out!!  I’m not sure why!  Colt Orman at our campus has worn the Safety Sam costume twice now.  The reason….he totally enjoys seeing me run from him!!!!!!!!!!!  I spend most of my weekend in hiding from him.  I’m not even sure what I think will happen if Safety Sam catches me….I don’t really want to find out.  I just don’t trust people with masks on!!!  Has anyone wearing a mask ever hurt me….NO…it’s a stupid fear that doesn’t make sense!!!  One day I will conquer my Safety Sam fear…just not right now!! 🙂   Since I was talking about fears….I just thought I would stick this one in here!!

Sorry my ADD kicked in as I was thinking about fear.  In my first post I mentioned that I felt stuck in the middle of two directions.  I tend to look at my “past life” and then look toward the future and I’m fearful of what lays ahead, so I’ve just been stuck between the two.  I’m looking at what God’s word says about fear and found a few references in Job.  I asked the question yesterday…What was Job afraid of?   I think he was afraid of himself and God…afraid that he would mess up so bad that God would no longer have his hand on his life.  Job 1 says that Job would make sacrifices on behalf of his kids just in case they had done something wrong.  I think Job lived a righteous and upright life not just because of  a  love and reverence for God, but also of  a fear of God.   Job did everything right but still  he lost his kids, his material possessions, his status, his pride, the respect of his wife and eventually his health…he lost it all.  It was what he had feared would happen and it did….and Job’s response…He cursed the day he was born.

Why did God allow that to happen to a good man?  Why did God allow Don my husband to die, my mother in law just a year later pass away from colon cancer and some other very hurtful things the past year.  God knew the truth!  God knew that fear and dread consumed Job and while I was not consumed I also had many fears that prevented me and still prevent me from going to the next place with God.  He knew that for me to go to the next place He has for me….we had to work on those fears or the enemy will continue to use them against me for the rest of my life.  What is the best way to rid yourself of fear?  God lovingly knows that to truly live life without fear, the very thing that we are afraid of or dreaded must be faced and conquered.  God allowed Satan access at Job because in the end it brought Job healing from his fears and closer to God.  We may never understand the “why” it had to be like that.  However, Job tells us below how to deal with it.

 1 Then Job replied to the LORD :
 2 “I know that you can do all things;
       no plan of yours can be thwarted.

 3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’
       Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
       things too wonderful for me to know.

 4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
       I will question you,
       and you shall answer me.’

 5 My ears had heard of you
       but now my eyes have seen you.

 6 Therefore I despise myself
       and repent in dust and ashes.”
After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11 All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought upon him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring. 12 The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.

The key is found in these words….”My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.”   I can say the same thing as Job.  I can now say that I have “seen” God in a way that I couldn’t have without the path that I’ve been on.  I’ve seen God as my provider, my healer, my friend, my Abba Father, my Peace that passes all understanding.  I could not see these things clearly before because the fear blurred and distorted them.   God restored everything Job had lost!!  …”The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.”  Job was now at a place where his fear of himself and his fear of God had been conquered.  He now knew that even if the worst thing he could imagine happens …he could survive it…and that God’s plans prevail. 

I’ve learned the same.  I accepted Christ when I was 7 years old.   I knew Gods’ word, but many times the fears became larger than He was.  The things I dreaded and feared the most happened and I have survived!!  Yes, it’s been hard…BUT…the very thing I feared is what enabled “my eyes” to see God in a way that I never could have in any other way.  The very thing that I feared and dreaded is bringing a healing and a greater realization of who I am in Christ.  So, with that realization….I’m moving one step forward!!!

Romans 8:36-39  “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,  neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Fear

What are you afraid of?  That’s a question that has been going through my mind for the past several months.  During the month of July LifeChurch.tv, has a series called At The Movies.  One of the movies this year was Coach Carter.  Carter asked his players that question.  I felt God was asking me the same question.  Page, what are you afraid of?

Why do I or you..any of us…need to know the answer to that question.  Fears drive us!  We usually make decisions based on our fears.  The problem is that many times our fears drive us away from the blessings and life God has intended for us. They cause to react out of fears that become larger than reality.  We begin to place those fears around every thought and action .  We place a big barrier around ourselves…a wall…that keeps us from experiencing true life…the life that God intends us to have.  Our fear becomes greater than the reality of who God is and who we are in Christ!!  What does God’s word say about fear?  There were 326 references of the word “fear” in God’s word.  I found a couple from the book of Job that are causing me to think a little today.

Job 3:25
What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.          Basically the story of Job…. he lost everything!  His children, his home, his livelyhood, his spouse walked away from him and he lost his health.   He lost everything but his life which he even began to curse his life and wished that he never been born.  In the King James Version this verse says….For the thing which I greatly feared as come upon me and that of which I was greatly afraid of has come unto me.  So, what was Job afraid of..what had Job dreaded!  ……I’m pondering that today!  What did Job truly dread?  Could it be that God allowed Satan to come after Job to cause him to finally face his fears…the things that consumed him?? 

I’ve gotta get a move on…Monday mornings shouldn’t exist on the calendar!!  🙂  I’ll write more later especially after the caffeine from the pot of coffee I’m drinking kicks in!